ouch!

recently i decided i needed to do some work on my baby belly so i started an ab workout.  wow!  i hurt and ached in places i didn't even know had muscles!  bending over was a struggle, laughing too hard hurt, i was in pain.  so the next day what did i do?  i did more ab workouts.  what?!  am i crazy?  why would i purposely put myself through that pain?  is it because i know what the pain indicates?  that the pain has a purpose and at some point will cease.  how did i handle the pain?  sometimes i would put pressure on it, other times just close my eyes and relax.
hmmmm...could this be similar to labor?  why yes!  labor pains have a purpose.  our body is working hard and we can feel it.  why do we think that pain for a workout is acceptable but not pain during labor?  part of it is what we've been told throughout our whole life...labor hurts, do what you can to avoid it.  but with working out what are we told?  no pain, no gain.  we know how to ease our pain, i gave a few examples.  what if we took what we already know (and maybe learn a few more) and implement it in our labors.  accept the fact that we are working hard and we're going to feel it.  that no pain, no gain is a good mantra and we can relax and work through it.
coincidentally did you know that it was men that told women they had pain in childbirth.  now men may know alot of things but they certainly do not know what giving birth feels like.  Let's remember labor is hard work and treat it that way, not like it is a problem.

Bradley

I am in the process of becoming a Bradley instructor!   Bradley is a method of childbirth that fully includes & trains your partner and focuses on birthing naturally.  I am very excited about this new venture and have official training later this month.  I'm excited to learn more about pregnancy and birth.  That information will no doubt be forwarded here as I process everything.

listen when your body talks

when you are in labor your body talks to you.  this is one reason why it's super important to be able to move.  as you contract you will notice that some positions feel better than others.  this is your body talking to you.  sometimes your body will tell you to walk around, other times you'll just lay or stand in certain positions.  your body is working with you, not against you.  movement helps move baby.  perhaps baby needs to turn or drop, the movement can aide in this.  your body also wants to be comfortable so the movement or a certain position may lighten the feeling of the intensity of the work it's doing.
whatever your body is saying listen and move (or don't move) that way.

what mama needs

What does a mama in labor need??  She needs a dark or dimly lit space so that she can concentrate fully.   For the same reason, she needs it to be quiet.  Labor is intense and a woman really needs to focus through her contractions.  Part of that focus is working on staying relaxed.  So a dark or dimly lit space and quiet not only help her concentrate but also help create a more relaxed atmosphere.  The greatest need of a laboring woman is to be in a space that she feels comfortable and safe.  A non-threatening space with people she knows and trusts.
When a woman doesn't feel safe her body reacts and that reaction can interfere with her labor which can then stall or stop.  When a woman labors among strangers the same reaction can occur.  Our bodies will protect baby when it feels threatened or fearful.  This is why our bodies react in such a way when a stranger enters the room or if a woman isn't comfortable and is scared about what is happening. 
It's very important for a laboring woman to be surrounded by people she feels comfortable with in an atmosphere that she can relax.  Woman who do that generally labor faster because they feel supported and safe which allows their body to progress without interruption. 
As always, mama needs to be educated on the process.  That education adds to the comfort of knowing what's up and feeling safe.

fear

my little man is 3 weeks old today.  3 weeks seems like forever ago!  when people ask about his birth one of the first questions most people ask right away is, 'were you scared?'  i was scared but not for the reasons people assume. 

my 1st and greatest fear that morning wasn't whether the midwives would arrive and wasn't even about giving birth; it was having to go to the hospital.  the thought of having to go somewhere and fight for the birth i wanted was such a stressor and huge fear factor.   In fact, when the realization that the midwives were not going to make it and we should head to the hospital finally sank in, i didnt rush out the door but instead stayed right where i was laying on the bed and tried to think of a way to either hold off labor (that wasnt going to happen, lol) or go to the hospital on my terms.  if seconds after the realization the baby didn't drop and urge to push hadn't kicked in, i'm not really sure how micah's birth would have gone or where.

i know that at the moment my husband and i realized baby was coming and we were going to have this baby ourselves that he was scared.  though scared, he knew what he had to do and jumped right to action.  what good was being scared going to do? he knew he needed to stay strong for my sake and sanity.  i can imagine things would have gone very differently if this was our first birth and we didn't really know what to expect.

as for me...i had just labored on my own for about 2 hours and just having jim there was a calming feeling.  i knew what i had to do, push.  so thats what i did.  a woman in labor goes through a variety of emotions.  fear is one of those emotions.  fear that you're not doing it right or that you won't get through it, etc.  fear is a strong emotion.  as i was pushing, i felt burning down there.  now, i knew exactly what that meant...baby was about to crown and then be born.  however, i hit a wall.  i got scared.   in that moment, i pushed and when i stopped i literally felt the baby shoot back up inside me.  i even said it out loud, 'baby went back up!'  as i said those words, it hit me what was going on.  i was letting the fear take over and it was going to hinder babies birth.  i pushed the fear aside and focused on the task at hand.  i pushed and pushed, the burning grew and soon there was a little boy.

i can't imagine micah's birth any other way.  if the midwives had been here, that would have been nice for more support and help afterwards.  if i had gone to the hospital, there would have been more external fear and anxiety brought upon me simply by being in that environment, being with a bunch of strangers and fighting for the natural, nonintervention birth we wanted. 

fear is a strong emotion.  especially during labor.  sometimes we don't even recognize that we've let fear enter.  fear causes laboring women to make decisions that either go against what they truly wanted or doubt they are capable of what's ahead.  one way to combat fear is educating yourself and your spouse.  you both need to know what to expect and be on the same page.  if you don't know that what is going on is normal or that you ARE capable then fear lets its way in and takes over.

birth of baby 2

Living just outside of Boston, Friday night Feb. 8, there was a huge snow storm. We went outside, played, built a snowman, just enjoyed the snow. We woke up Saturday to about 2 feet or so of snow. I woke up about 8:30ish and had some period like cramps. since we were planning a home birth, I let the midwives know right away in case they needed to come. Right after I text them, I realized I was having some contractions. At first, I didn't think much of them but decided to time them anyway. They were about 3 mins apart and 45ish sec long. They had come out of nowhere. I went to the bathroom and had some show. I told my husband, Jim, to call the midwives because we were gonna have a baby that day! He called and they told him they were snowed in at another birth. They suggested we call EMS for a ride to the hospital if we felt things were progressing quickly and they would try to get to us as soon as they could. Jim and I jumped to action. He called his aunt that was set to watch our daughter, Aria, and she said she would figure out a way to come her pick up. I proceeded to finish packing her bag, dress her and feed her. Jim ran to the neighbors house to see if they could call their plow guy to plow our 100 + yard driveway. At 10:30 am Jim's aunt arrives and he runs Aria down the still snow covered drive and they leave. I try to relax a bit and talk to the midwives about a plan. They again suggest calling EMS because now they are fairly certain they won't be getting out soon. I tell them I'll think about it and I'm going to try and take it easy for a bit. Jim is still outside and calls to check on me. He says he's going to try and flag down a plow that's driving down the road and to give him 20-30 mins to do that. I said no...I need you here. He wasn't convinced. I said ok...how about 15-20 mins. He agreed. I jumped in the shower. The contractions were intense! The warmth of the water on my back helped relieve the intensity of the peaks. After a short bit, I had to get out because it was a struggle to stand there during the contractions. After the shower, I didn't even get dressed, I just laid with my towel on the bed. It was 11, it had been 15 mins and I was about to call Jim to tell him to get inside when he arrived and let me know he had flagged down a plow who cleaned our drive for free when he told them his wife was in labor. We began to discuss what we should do when a contraction hit. He realized this was getting serious. We guessed maybe the hospital was an option but how to get there was the question. I didn't really want to ride in an EMS truck, that would have just given me anxiety. Then the baby moved down the birth canal. I said: "uh-oh."
Jim said: "what?"
I said: "baby wants to come out."
He asked: "baby wants to come out...like you're ready to push?"
I simply nodded. He sat for a second holding the phone decided who to call ambulance or midwife. He decided midwife. Which in retrospect, the better choice since baby was definitely coming right then! With the midwife on speaker phone and Jim by my side, I pushed and pushed (like 10 minutes) and out came baby Micah with Jim there to catch him at about 11:30 am and put him on my chest immediately

what's in a due date?

after finding out your pregnant, the next super exciting news is when will baby arrive??  so you look at your calendar or maybe you have to think back a month (or 2 or 3) to find out when you last had your period.  then you count 40 weeks...that's when baby will arrive.  right?  ummmm, not so much.  first off...this is a bit of semantics but technically what you've just arrived at is your estimated due date or your guessed due date.  a due date is often perceived as a deadline, when something is over.  your library books have a due date...that's set in stone.  if you have a paper or a project you have a due date or deadline for when it must be completed. 
i like the phrase 'bun in the oven' because i think it helps wrap your mind around this idea.  a due date is concrete.  however, when you are baking they give you an amount of time to bake something but sometimes you need to pull it out a few minutes early or let it cook a few minutes longer.  even the same recipe, in the same over can vary from one day to the next.   that's how we need to look at due dates.  not as a deadline to meet but as an idea of when baby will arrive.   the window is really 38-42 weeks.   there have been lots of studies that prove the average gestational time is 41 weeks 1 day. 
in my first pregnancy, my original due date which was set based on my last period was january 28.  when i went in to the dr, she did an ultrasound and said baby doesn't look that old.  so a new date was given of feb 12.  i was actually charting at the time so i went and looked and sure enough...based on everything i had charted indeed feb 12 was a more accurate date.  baby came feb 10.  when she was ready to be born.  now in my second pregnancy, i am writing this on what has been given as my due date.  i wasn't charting but i did know my last period, so we at least have a general idea of what to work with since i declined ultrasounds this time around.  (perhaps a post for another day)  baby is not here and i'm fairly confident it will not arrive in the next 4 hours to make it today.  baby will come when baby is done growing in mama's belly. 
it's amazing how much emphasis we put on this date.  as if it's a concrete, unchangeable, exact date.  it's not.  nobody knows when labor will begin and when baby will be born.  yet we are expected to act/react on this date.  today i met a woman who asked when my due date was (by the way, a question i hate based on everything i've said so far) and i said i was 40 weeks today.  her immediate next question was "when are you going to be induced."  i said i'm not, we'll wait until baby knows it's time.