does it really matter?

often times i hear people say that the process doesn't matter as long as the outcome is good.  meaning: it doesn't matter how your baby arrives as long as it arrives healthy and well.  i don't buy it though.  i think it does matter and i think that moms feel pressure not to focus on the process especially if the outcome is good.  now i had both a great process and an immediate great outcome, so why should i complain about anything?  what could possibly have ruined the experience for me?  it's very unfortunate, but there was one nurse at the very end of our stay at the birthing center that really ruined the wonderful experience i had there.  it's difficult to look past that negative aspect even though else was so right.  perhaps my perception would be different if my negative experience occurred in the beginning but since this was at the end and emotions run high as well as we often remember what last happened over what happened first. 
we only needed to stay at the birth center for 24 hours after baby is born.  since that was almost 3 am, we stayed til the morning.  the doctor had come and signed our release forms.  we were packing up and getting ready to go.  we told the nurse we were getting ready to leave and to call a wheelchair.   she did not call for a wheelchair and instead proceeded to keep us there for an additional 2 or 3 hours.  she declared that aria had not peed or pooped since being born so she couldn't let her go.  she tried to call the doctor to discuss this but unfortunately the doctor was not responding.  at one point the nurse came in with some formula to feed aria.  i said no, absolutely not.  she did not like that i didn't let her do what she wanted.  we said we were ready to go and would sign a waiver if we needed.  she said...well, you could do that but your insurance probably won't cover your stay then.  she tried to put a fear in us to do what she wanted.  i finally had enough...went to her station and said: listen, this form here is our release form.  technically you can not keep us here and we are leaving right now.  please call for the wheelchair.  at that point she realized i wasn't backing down and everything i said was true.  she didn't like it and in fact, did not call for a wheelchair but instead frantically called the doctor again.  i continued to finish getting ready because i was gonna leave no matter what.  the nurse actually got the doctor that time and the doctor said, yes let them go.  suddenly she was all friendly with us and quickly called for a wheelchair.  i just wanted to get out of there.
that, unfortunately, is one of the memories at the fore front of aria's birth but i rarely talk about it since everything else was so great.  so in the end, it does matter.  your birth story will be with you forever.  make it count.

contractions??

what is a contraction?  easy definition...flex your arm.  you just contracted your arm muscle.  your uterus is one big muscle!  a contraction is when it flexes and then relaxes.  if you flexed your arm or leg for 6 or more hours in a row, it would start to feel pretty intense.  in a super simplistic nutshell: that's labor. 

big baby...little hole?!

how is baby going to come out of such a tiny little hole?!  i'm sure this is a question everyone has asked at one time or another.  so let's talk about how this happens.  even before you ever begin labor, your body is preparing for it.  braxton hicks are mild (some may feel them stronger than others) contractions practicing for the labor.   there is no such thing as false labor...all contractions serve a purpose and are doing work for babies birth.   the day comes that contractions are coming more readily and becoming stronger.  this is good sign!  most of us are familiar with dilation.  that is: how much has your cervix opened.  you will open up to 10 cm...about the size of a bagel or 5 fingers.  this can happen quickly, slowly or move at a constant rate over time.  there is no one speed at which this happens and is different for every woman.  think of your cervix as a door and it's opening up to let the baby through...we all open doors differently but in the end the door is open.   this is generally the longest part.  it takes lots of work to get that door open, it is after all called labor.  the last push to get it open can be very intense, so thankfully nature is kind to women.  once you've opened up, you get a rest.  it might be a short few minutes or last an hour or more.  this is not to be confused with a stalled labor...your body is resting and preparing for the next step.  take advantage of this time!  even a few minutes can help revitalize you.  opening the door is the first stage.  the second stage is pushing the baby out.  you will still feel contractions but they are now helping to push the baby out.  many women enjoy this stage because they now get to do something...help their body push the baby out.  your uterine muscles are exerting about 35-40 lbs of force to get the baby out but needs a little help from mama to get the job done.   the baby rocks its way out.  that means: as you push, baby comes out a bit but when you relax is retracts a bit.  this rocking process is stretching your perineum to prevent tearing.  think of it as running a marathon without stretching...you are bound to hurt yourself in some way.  in this way, the body is protecting itself from injury.  during this time, babies head is also molding its way through.  perhaps you've heard of a soft spot on babies head?  when a baby is born, their skull is not fully formed.  the reason for this is so that the baby can mold it's head to fit through the birth canal.  some babies might be born with an odd shaped head due to this but it will return to it's natural shape shortly.  rarely is a woman not built to birth her own child.  there was a time in the past, mostly in the 19th century, when women had pelvic deformities due to vitamin D deficiency that hindered a woman's capability.  this is very rare these days.  a woman's pelvis is made up of separate bones with flexible ligaments that move/adjust to allow baby to fit.  your body is working with baby to get out...you both have the same goal.  dr. bradley says it best: 'it's like a key fitting into a lock.'  there will come a point during pushing when your perineum has stretched and you'll feel burning.  this is a good thing!!  this means baby is about to or is crowning and then will be born.  don't fight this burning...take it slow but push through it.  at this point, you have opened up the door and you are about to meet your baby.  be careful not to push too strongly with excitement however, this is when tears can occur.  oils or simply pressure on the perineum will help to prevent this.   there will be a huge feeling of relief when baby enters the world...that was a lot of pressure done there.  but at that point, who cares...you have your cutie little baby.  :)
hold your little one right away, put baby on your belly and watch how it will make its way to your breast to nurse.   you're not totally done yet...you need to push out the placenta, but after the job you just did, this should be a piece of cake.  plus you get some time to relax and hang out with baby before you need to do that. 

this gets on my nerves...

why do people compare giving birth to getting a tooth pulled?  giving birth is a natural process that your body knows how to handle and knows the process.  to do it with out drugs is not crazy if you know and understand what is going on.  as for getting a tooth pulled?  ummm...that's not natural and that's why you need drugs to numb it.  there's no comparison!