Hospital?!!

Not too long ago my 3 year old asked me about the day she way born.   I started describing the day as she periodically asked questions.  Then I got to the part when we drove to the birth center.  Instead of saying birth center I said we drove to the hospital. In a horrified and confused voice she exclaims "hospital!?"  I corrected myself saying birth center and she was comforted.
Her exclamation hit me.  At three she knows what a hospital is and could reason why would my mama go there to have a baby unless something was wrong.  It really got me thinking though....why do we go to the hospital to have a baby unless something is wrong?  Labor and delivery is not a sickness or disease.  No one is hurt.   Birth is as natural a process as opening your eyes in the morning or taking a deep breath or going to the bathroom.  So why do we go somewhere to care for us that is actually a place to get care for when things are unnatural?

Whose needs matter?

Have you ever tried to go pee or poop in front of a group of people?  People you may have never met before?  What happens?  Generally you get stage fright, even if you had to go very badly suddenly you can't.  At least not until everyone stops looking at you.  Using the bathroom tends to be a very private moment. 
How about sex?  Would you like an audience during that private intimate time?  I would venture to say, no. 
Why then, are we expected to birth in that very manner.  Birth is a very private moment for mama, dada and baby.  It is a time that mama should be surrounded only by those she really knows and trusts.  A laboring women is vulnerable.  A stranger can cause her labor to slow down or stall because she doesn't feel safe, her body is reacting and trying to protect her.   Women often wonder why upon entering the hospital their labors change?   If you were laboring, rhythmically contracting in the comfort and safety of your own home then the hospital can be quite a shock for you.  Bright lights shining in your face which do not aid in calming you, nurses you have never met sticking their fingers in your vagina,  perhaps a doctor you don't know tell you what to do, etc.  It ceases to be the relaxing environment you started your labor and you get confused, discouraged.  You were contracting every 4-5 minutes or less and now they are every 8-9 or more.  What happened?  Your body is protecting you.  It needs to feel safe to labor and deliver.  We are just like every other mammal who goes into a safe quite spot, away from all the noise and people.   Instead of catering to a what a women needs in labor, the majority of hospitals are basically asking women to cater to the hospitals needs.  A laboring women can not and should not need to try and cater to anyone's needs except her own. 

Can I hold her?

I remember those first few hours after my daughter was born.  It was the middle of the night (she was born at 2:43 am), adrenaline pumping, super excited, hanging out as a little family while the midwife and nursed made sure everyone was good.  Then at some point it died down.  The midwife and nurse left so we could rest.  Jim fell asleep in the bed next to me and Aria fell asleep in the baby crib on the other side.  I sat there for a couple hours trying to sleep but I could not.  Finally about 5:30 or 6 in the morning I realize that sleep is not in the books for me at that point.  I flipped on the TV for a little light and even though it was early, decided to send some texts to let people know Aria had been born, all natural-no drugs, the night before.  When I finished doing that I just sat there and looked at Aria.  So tiny.  So peaceful.  Just laying there sleeping.  I wanted to touch her.  To hold her.  I didn't know what to do.  Should I call the nurse and ask if I could hold her?  Did I need her help?  Did I even have to ask?  I was a bit confused and didn't know what to do.  After a few minutes of inner debate I thought, she's my daughter, I don't think I have to ask anyone if I can hold her.  So I nervously leaned over and picked her up.  So sweet and adorable.  I snuggled with her on my chest and got comfortable as I held her, relaxing and just taking her in.
When I had Micah at home, there as never a question of if I could hold him.  Somehow, being in the hospital, I had this idea that I was unable to do anything without permission first.  Maybe I am the only one who has felt this way, maybe not.  We need to know as new mama's that we are the one's that call the shots (with dada), we are in control, we need to hold and touch our babies as much as we want.  No one call tell us otherwise, not even our confused inner selves.

"Much of the pain experienced by women in birth can be attributed to fear and to a lack of knowledge  about the true physiology of birth" Ina May Gaskin 'Birth Matters'

Just wait

As I was checking email and Facebook this morning my computer started acting up.  I began to push buttons to fix whatever the problem was.  I tried to shut down and restart, I pressed ctrl, alt, delete.  As far as I could tell, nothing was happening.  After about two minutes I figured the only way to fix the problem was to manually force a shutdown by removing the battery and then restarting.  As I was about to do that the screen changed indicating that it was indeed working but was simply in overload due to everything I had done to it.
That's when it hit me.  We live in an impatient world, results must happen right now or nothing must be going on type of world.  That thought follows us into birth and labor.  We are measured by how fast we are dilating and/or effacing but there is more going on that we can not see and measure.  We put time limits on how the body should work and if we don't meet that criteria then there is a problem.  We try to speed up the process but that only slows things down. 
The process of labor and birth has not changed.  It is the same today, as it was for our grandparents, and their grandparents and theirs, etc.  What has changed is our outlook on life.  We want instant results and if we don't get them, we need to intervene.  As I said, it is a process.  It takes time.  We need to be patient and wait.  Wait for our body to work, wait for the baby to work, wait until the two are working together as they should be. 
Let's get out of the way, trust our bodies and baby will come out.  Just wait.

water!!!!

we all know that it is important to drink water...all the time, not just when pregnant.  but how much more important is it when you are pregnant?  super important!  who has heard this before (either yourself or someone you know):  the amniotic fluid is low...we have to get the baby out.  the thing is that if you drink a lot of water then go back and get tested the next day chances are pretty high that your fluid will no longer be low.  your level of amniotic fluid is directly related to the amount of water you drink.  well...ok, it doesn't only have to be water but water is the best!   so please drink lots of water.  more importantly if you or someone you know is told your fluid is low, be adamant about getting another ultrasound in a day or two after you have replenished your water supply. 

we are women

it is really important to remember that at the end of the day as women, we know our body best-not the dr or midwife or nurse, etc.  if we believe that our bodies are physically prepared to handle pregnancy and delivery then we can mentally and emotionally prepare.  Labor and delivery does entail mental and emotional preparation, it is not just a physical act.  there is nothing more important than preparing ourselves.  if we leave everything in the hands of our dr or midwife then we may very well not be pleased with the outcome.  learn what all your options are.  know that you are capable!  9 months is a long time to simply sit and wait until labor starts.  be proactive.  read, talk to moms, take private childbirth education classes, realize what you are truly capable of.  we are women, we are stronger than we think!